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Seattlehawk94
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In Week 17 of this the 2010-11 Season of the NFL here in Seattle a group of people openly rooted for us to lose. Those "fans" are now trying to break into our fanbase and spotting them can be kinda hard for some of you...
So in the spirit of that we here at the Huddle bring you a guide on how to spot them, what to do to shut them up, and why they are the lowest of the low in terms of being "fans"...
Ten Types of Bandwagon Riders:
1. The "I was a fan from waaaaayback" "fan": This "fan" is known in circles as "Whitesnakeusfanus" is among the hardest to know if they are real or fake. Usually the dead giveaway is they bring up Largent, he being the ONLY player they know of. This type of "fan" only rooted for them in the '80s and jumped off at the first 7-9 season (around '89) only to become a "fan" again in 2005 when they wanted to be part of something...Usually sporting a Mirer/McGwire Jersey..Easy to shut up when you bring up players from the mid-late '90s (Sinclair, Brown, Watters)...
2. The "my boyfriend got me into the Hawks" "fan": This group is called "girlfriendusorwifeus" they usually only watch football because they are dragged most of the time and now are "superfans" because their coworkers are always talking about the team...Usually spotted wearing a "bling" pink Seahawks shirt and holding a cup of Starbucks (though they don't know why real Seattle fans hate Starbucks so much)....Shut them up by asking what a "Cover Two" is--usual answer is "something made by Revlon to conceal blemishes"...
3. "I like the Huskies better" "fan"...Also known as "Collegeusidiotus"...This group would rather see a 6-6 team in a bowl game than the Seahawks in the playoffs...Usually spotted wearing purple and talking about how Don James is a close second to Jesus on the list of World's Most Important People....Shut them up by talking about ANYTHING besides Fuskie football...
4. "I want to belong" "fan"...Also known as "friendlessusdorkus"...This group is usually the people you avoid in the office (think Milton from "Office Space") they usually keep to themselves and are about 5 seconds from going on a killing spree, they became fans so that people would actually SPEAK to them besides telling them to clean the urinals before their lunch breaks...Usually seen in white shirts with flop sweat...Shut them up by asking about their families (who are probably tied up in the basement of their homes) and if they ever go to games with them...
5. "I want to be on TV"...Also known as "Dressusboyus"..This group is kinda tricky, you see them in the front row on TV at games and think they are REAL fans...Not so...Usually they are there due to the fact they didn't get attention from their parents growing up and they think 5 seconds of facetime on a network will make daddy love them..Usually seen in kilts and facepaint acting like they are cool on TV....Shut them up by telling them "nice skirt"...
6. "I know everything about football" "fan"...Also known as "statuswhoreus"...They can tell you EVERYTHING about stats but don't know a damn thing about schemes, playbooks, etc...Usually seen holding a Blackberry telling everyone about how their FFL team did that week...Shut them up by bringing up players heart and other no-stat related things that go into a game...
7. "Too much alcohol" "fan"....Also known as "drunkusfuckus"...A fan who's liquid courage enables them to threaten to kick the ass of a 10 year old at games wearing another teams colours...Usually spotted at Qwest repeating the same phrase OVER AND OVER thinking after it's repeated 100 times it's going to be funny...Usually wearing a flannel of some sort and holding beer #30...Shut them up by glaring at them and shouting "SHUT THE FUCK UP DRUNKY"...
8. "Superbowl" "fan"....Also known as "2005usbandwagonus"....Jumped on the bandwagon in 2005, jumped off because they don't understand that teams have ups and downs....Usually spotted wearing a Shauna Alexandria jersey and wondering why he's not been asked to raise the 12th Man Flag....Shut them up by talking about the 2007-2010 seasons...
9. "No colors" "fan"....Also known as "cheapusbastardus"...A breed that won't "splurge" on something with a team logo on it, or is too hip to wear such things...Usually spotted in Hugo Boss hoodies or something from The GAP...Shut them up by asking "where the fuck are your colours"?
10. "I like all teams" "fan"....Also known as "frontusrunnerus"...Usually this group has a closet full of Yankees, Lakers, etc. clothes because the only "all teams" they "like" are the ones winning at the time...Usually spotted in whichever team won a recent championship's gear...Shut them up by asking anything about any other team that didn't win---being "fans of 'the game'" they would know but "frontusrunnerus" will usually try to change the subject..
Real Hawks fans don't tolerate these groups because they drive up ticket prices for REAL FANS, make us feel like we aren't fans if we make a comment against "THEIR TEAM", and really just annoy you with their uneducated ways (see: cheering when we are on offense)....
While on safari beware some of these groups will lower your IQ points just by uttering the word "Hello" in passing....Caution is advised...
Happy Hunting! GO HAWKS!!!!!
So in the spirit of that we here at the Huddle bring you a guide on how to spot them, what to do to shut them up, and why they are the lowest of the low in terms of being "fans"...
Ten Types of Bandwagon Riders:
1. The "I was a fan from waaaaayback" "fan": This "fan" is known in circles as "Whitesnakeusfanus" is among the hardest to know if they are real or fake. Usually the dead giveaway is they bring up Largent, he being the ONLY player they know of. This type of "fan" only rooted for them in the '80s and jumped off at the first 7-9 season (around '89) only to become a "fan" again in 2005 when they wanted to be part of something...Usually sporting a Mirer/McGwire Jersey..Easy to shut up when you bring up players from the mid-late '90s (Sinclair, Brown, Watters)...
2. The "my boyfriend got me into the Hawks" "fan": This group is called "girlfriendusorwifeus" they usually only watch football because they are dragged most of the time and now are "superfans" because their coworkers are always talking about the team...Usually spotted wearing a "bling" pink Seahawks shirt and holding a cup of Starbucks (though they don't know why real Seattle fans hate Starbucks so much)....Shut them up by asking what a "Cover Two" is--usual answer is "something made by Revlon to conceal blemishes"...
3. "I like the Huskies better" "fan"...Also known as "Collegeusidiotus"...This group would rather see a 6-6 team in a bowl game than the Seahawks in the playoffs...Usually spotted wearing purple and talking about how Don James is a close second to Jesus on the list of World's Most Important People....Shut them up by talking about ANYTHING besides Fuskie football...
4. "I want to belong" "fan"...Also known as "friendlessusdorkus"...This group is usually the people you avoid in the office (think Milton from "Office Space") they usually keep to themselves and are about 5 seconds from going on a killing spree, they became fans so that people would actually SPEAK to them besides telling them to clean the urinals before their lunch breaks...Usually seen in white shirts with flop sweat...Shut them up by asking about their families (who are probably tied up in the basement of their homes) and if they ever go to games with them...
5. "I want to be on TV"...Also known as "Dressusboyus"..This group is kinda tricky, you see them in the front row on TV at games and think they are REAL fans...Not so...Usually they are there due to the fact they didn't get attention from their parents growing up and they think 5 seconds of facetime on a network will make daddy love them..Usually seen in kilts and facepaint acting like they are cool on TV....Shut them up by telling them "nice skirt"...
6. "I know everything about football" "fan"...Also known as "statuswhoreus"...They can tell you EVERYTHING about stats but don't know a damn thing about schemes, playbooks, etc...Usually seen holding a Blackberry telling everyone about how their FFL team did that week...Shut them up by bringing up players heart and other no-stat related things that go into a game...
7. "Too much alcohol" "fan"....Also known as "drunkusfuckus"...A fan who's liquid courage enables them to threaten to kick the ass of a 10 year old at games wearing another teams colours...Usually spotted at Qwest repeating the same phrase OVER AND OVER thinking after it's repeated 100 times it's going to be funny...Usually wearing a flannel of some sort and holding beer #30...Shut them up by glaring at them and shouting "SHUT THE FUCK UP DRUNKY"...
8. "Superbowl" "fan"....Also known as "2005usbandwagonus"....Jumped on the bandwagon in 2005, jumped off because they don't understand that teams have ups and downs....Usually spotted wearing a Shauna Alexandria jersey and wondering why he's not been asked to raise the 12th Man Flag....Shut them up by talking about the 2007-2010 seasons...
9. "No colors" "fan"....Also known as "cheapusbastardus"...A breed that won't "splurge" on something with a team logo on it, or is too hip to wear such things...Usually spotted in Hugo Boss hoodies or something from The GAP...Shut them up by asking "where the fuck are your colours"?
10. "I like all teams" "fan"....Also known as "frontusrunnerus"...Usually this group has a closet full of Yankees, Lakers, etc. clothes because the only "all teams" they "like" are the ones winning at the time...Usually spotted in whichever team won a recent championship's gear...Shut them up by asking anything about any other team that didn't win---being "fans of 'the game'" they would know but "frontusrunnerus" will usually try to change the subject..
Real Hawks fans don't tolerate these groups because they drive up ticket prices for REAL FANS, make us feel like we aren't fans if we make a comment against "THEIR TEAM", and really just annoy you with their uneducated ways (see: cheering when we are on offense)....
While on safari beware some of these groups will lower your IQ points just by uttering the word "Hello" in passing....Caution is advised...
Happy Hunting! GO HAWKS!!!!!
